Grandmother

On Sunday morning my sweet Grandmother passed away. This wasn't something unexpected. In fact, we've been thinking it would be any time now for months. She was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 36 weeks pregnant with Gavin and we were told it was aggressive and she likely didn't have much time. So in reality, we all were given quite a bit longer with her than we may have initially expected. But being fully prepared still doesn't make it any easier when the inevitable happens.

My Grandmother was a complicated lady, but I loved her so much - maybe even a little more because of those complications. I could relate to many of them. While she and I never had the super warm and fuzzy relationship that a lot of people have with their grandmothers, I always knew that she loved me deeply. One of the things that I cherish the most is the fact that I got to see her with both of my babies. Where she may not have been overly affectionate toward me, she certainly was with my kids. I'm not sure what the shift was, but watching her love on them was such a blessing for me.

I have so many wonderful memories of time spent at her house when I was a little girl. We lived three hours away, and my mom and I would come and stay with her and my Granddaddy often. I loved their house, and one of the things that makes me the saddest is that I'll be losing that home away from home now. We always stayed up late watching black and white movies and TV shows - we watched a lot of Nick at Nite, and anytime I see an episode of Bewitched or The Dick Van Dyke Show or I Dream of Jeannie it makes me think of her.

One of my favorite things about my Grandmother was her voice. I always thought she sounded a lot like Blanche from Golden Girls. She had a real cute southern accent, and said a lot of adorable things like "Oh Heavens!". She also had a cute little dance that she did that I remember from when I was a little girl, and I was lucky enough to see her do it for Grayson a time or two.

She was my last living grandparent, so it's a very strange feeling now to know that that entire generation of my family is gone - aside from distant great aunts and uncles, everyone in my family from that time has passed. There's a sense of comfort knowing that you can go "home" to your grandmothers house anytime that you want, and I'm so sad that I no longer have that.

But she lived a long, full life, with a family who loved her dearly. My grandfather was incredibly devoted to her throughout their entire lives together, and it brings me some comfort knowing that they're together now. I always felt like she needed someone to take care of her - anytime I talked about her I always called her my "sweet little Grandmother", and I just felt like she needed protecting. She was physically tiny, and a little helpless in an endearing way.

I'll always cherish the memories that I have with her. Out of all my grandparents, she and I are certainly the most alike. She's always been incredibly special to me, and I will miss her terribly even though I'm so relieved that her suffering is over.