Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a good mom. Actually, I know I am. I adore my son. I lavish him with attention and kisses and play time and fun whenever I possibly can. I teach him things, I discipline him as needed, I encourage him, I laugh with him, I read with him, I snuggle with him. I do all of these things, all day, every single day. But still - I find myself lacking.
Pinterest moms seem to do a fun, educational craft with their children each day. They seem to fix them lunches in elaborate designs that hit every single food group, every single time. They seem to dress their children in adorable outfits each day, even when they're just playing at home (but why?). They seem to do incredibly fun and memorable activities for each and every holiday - even the ones that don't really count. They not only do these things, but they take phenomenal photographs of their children and their activities that feature not only said activity but also a sparkling home in the background.
I'm not one to struggle with envy at this point in my life. I've been there, done that, and I'm quite content with where I am now. But I look at these blogs, these pins on my Pinterest feed, and I wonder - HOW. How on earth do they do it? I'm a stay-at-home mom. Aside from the 12 hours a week that I set aside to work and Nana watches Grayson, I am with him constantly. I have all the time in the world to clean and cook and craft and take photos of it. But somehow, at the end of the day, I'm lucky if I've cleaned the kitchen or swept the floor and maybe read a book or two or played with some puzzles. Sure, we play all day long. But how much of it is "intentional" play, where I'm actually, intentionally educating him as we go? When do these Pinterest mamas have time to do all these dang crafts? And when they're doing their crafts, who's cleaning their bathrooms and cooking their dinners?
I mean, let's be honest. Most days we wake up, brush our teeth, change a diaper, eat our breakfast, play, change another diaper, play, eat lunch, then nap. At this point when Grayson is blissfully sleeping is when I finally brush my hair and slap on some makeup. I might get dressed, or I might simply switch into more presentable yoga pants and a fresh t-shirt. Our afternoons are more of the same, interspersed with some cleaning or organizing here and there. If we have errands to run, of course I actually fix myself up to a degree and wear a "cute-for-a-young-mom-in-the-suburbs" outfit. But other than that, not so much.
My life doesn't look like my Pinterest boards. It's taken me awhile to come to terms with that. I just don't think I'm ever going to be the blogger who has exciting, detailed, over-the-top posts about the activities I've been doing with G. I don't think I'm ever going to be the mom on Instagram who looks like she just walked off of a magazine cover when she takes a selfie at Target. I'll probably always have cheerio crumbs scattered around my house and a few stray toys spread out over my living room floor. I'll probably always have that same stack of mail sitting on my kitchen counter. And I'll probably never remember that I need to start dinner until it's 20 minutes until we need to be eating.
Somehow, I'm OK with all of it. The messiness, the un-perfectness, the never really feeling like I'm accomplishing what I need to be. This is life. This is my life, with my toddler, and I just think that's how it's going to be for me. It's not glamorous, it's nothing to necessarily aspire to, but it is absolutely, positively the place I want to be.
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