The Lonely Only

Something I'm not totally sure my blog readers know about me is that I'm an only child. Even though people usually think that must be a pretty sweet deal, in all honesty, I've always wished I had a sibling. Anytime I'm on Facebook or something and I see adorably sweet posts about how much people love their brothers and sisters, it always makes me feel a little like "woe is me...I'll never know what it's like to have that relationship with someone....". 

I'm not entirely sure why I'm an only child. I know my mom had a miscarriage before I was born, but other than that I know of no other attempts to have another baby. My parents didn't have the world's best relationship, so I'm assuming it had more to do with that than anything else. From a very, very young age I was painfully aware that they probably shouldn't be together, so my guess is that they just didn't have the desire to bring another kid into the family. (Side note: I adore each of my parents and now that they are divorced they are good friends and get along wonderfully.)

There were (are) certainly perks to being an only child. I pretty much always got to do what I wanted. If I wanted something in particular for dinner, I got it. If I wanted to go see a certain movie, we did. I always got to sit in the front seat (other than the time we had that foreign exchange student, but that's a story for another time). I didn't have to fight for anything. I just got it.

Birthdays, Christmases, and all other holidays were awesome. Instead of needing to divvy up gifts among several kids, I got them all. My mom is a wonderful gift giver (dad is more of a check writer, which is just as good) so I would sit in the living room surrounded by beautifully wrapped bags and boxes that contained just about everything on my wish list. I always got a yummy cake and she would cook my favorite dinner.

And of course, all of the attention was on me, all the time. I was a dancer growing up, and I literally feel like my mom's entire life revolved around driving me to dance class, competitions, shows, etc. But the downside to this was....all the attention was on me. All. The. Time. I wasn't allowed to do half the things my friends were. I had the earliest curfew of anyone I knew. And my parents either had some weird sixth sense that told them when I was doing something against the rules, or they had someone following me. It was creepy. And super annoying.

But all the perks of being the one and only couldn't even come close to the perks of having siblings, and I've always been aware of that. I missed out on a relationship that seems so special, and I wish I knew what it was like. All of my friends couldn't stand their siblings when we were growing up, but now I know how much they love and cherish them. I wish I had that.

I wish I had someone to call and cry with when my parents were going through their divorce and I was caught right in the middle. I wish I had someone to talk to when I was just a little girl and I would hear them fighting. I wish I had someone who could relate to me on all the levels that only someone who grew up in the exact same circumstances as you could. And when I think about my parents getting older....I so wish I had someone to go through that with.

I know I've been unbelievably blessed in so, so many ways, but to all of you lucky ones out there with brothers and sisters to love, I'm so envious. I hope you appreciate the unique and special relationship that you get to share, no matter how annoying it was growing up. I can't wait to give our little guy some annoying younger brother or sister to complain about someday...I know he'll be glad I did.