I Don't Know Why I'm Crying...

Pregnancy really does make you question your sanity from time to time. I feel like overall I've been pretty chill throughout this whole ordeal, and after the first trimester my emotions seemed to level out back to somewhat normal. However, the past few days have proved that I might not be quite as balanced as I think.

On Sunday when Arsen was putting the baby's new dresser together, I was in the room "assisting". Basically sitting on the floor scrolling through Instagram photos and occasionally tightening a screw for him. After he was about halfway through the process, it was time to put the top of the dresser on. We stood up, and I "helped" him lift it onto the base. The minute it was sitting where it was supposed to be, I saw it: a massive scratch. Not just a scratch, but a chip in the wood.

When I say massive, I mean maybe half an inch wide. But in my eyes, the entire dresser was ruined. It was front and center and I knew it would be the first part of the dresser to be seen. Of course I immediately start panicking just a little, because ohmygodwhatdowedo??? I knew there was no way Arsen was going to undo all of the work he had already done to take it apart and return it to IKEA, and I knew there was no way I could live with that scratch.

He kept trying to convince me that it was fine. No, it was NOT fine. He said we could paint over it, it would be fine. NO, that won't work, it will never look right. Everyone will be able to tell. He said, quite calmly, we are not taking this apart just to return it and do it all over again. We will figure something out. It's not a big deal.

At this point I lost it. Seriously, lost it. My eyes starting welling up and I felt those crazy pregnancy hormones surge through me. I started crying.

Arsen looked at me with a mixture of disbelief and amusement. He said something along the lines of, "Wait, are you crying? Are you really crying?". My response, through my sobbing, was "YES! It's ruined, and I can't deal with this! I cannot live with a messed up dresser! Every time I see it it's going to piss me off and make me cry and I won't be able to deal with it! I want this room to be perfect and this dresser is ruining EVERYTHING!!!"

At this point Arsen lost it, too. He started laughing so hard that he couldn't stop. Which made me cry harder, but it also made me laugh, because I knew just how insane I sounded. So I'm bawling my eyes out while I'm laughing saying "Shut up, it's not funny! I'm serious!". After a few seconds of trying to gather myself, I walked out of the room, wiped my eyes and took a few deep breathes. Then I came back in and calmly explained that we had to figure something else out so I wouldn't lose my mind every time I saw the scratch. He definitely agreed.

I decided to call IKEA to see what they could do, and they said all we needed to do was bring the top part in and they would switch it out for a new one. Huh. Who knew it could be so simple?

A little bit later Arsen started laughing again and said "Why were you laughing with me? Did you know you were being insane and you just couldn't control it?". The answer is yes. And that pretty much sums up the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy. You know what you're watching, reading, thinking, etc. shouldn't really make you burst into tears, you know this logically, but yet...you're helpless to control it. It's really something to experience.