Goodbye First Trimester...I Won't Miss You

I'm absolutely overjoyed that I'm pregnant, don't get me wrong. I can't wait for the next seven months to fly by so I have a precious little baby to hold in my arms, and I feel so blessed that it happened so quickly for us. But there are definitely some things about the whole pregnancy experience that haven't exactly been wonderful.

Not Seeing Much of a Difference Yet :)

First of all, the entire first trimester I was nauseous. Like, literally 24 hours a day, if I wasn't asleep I was sick to my stomach. Eating was basically impossible. Nothing sounded good. Ever. Ever. I am normally someone who loves food more than just about anything in the world, so to not be able to enjoy food was torture. And if I finally found something that didn't make me want to throw up just by thinking about it, approximately three bites in to whatever it was I would get so sick that I had to stop eating. My doctor told me at my first appointment that I shouldn't gain any weight during the first trimester at all, and let me tell you, it wasn't an issue. I was basically just eating enough to get by.

On top of that, oh my goodness the exhaustion. I've been tired before, even exhausted here and there, but I have never, ever felt fatigue like I felt the past three months. Getting up in the morning (feeling nauseous) and trying to get motivated to get up and go was nearly impossible. Sitting at my desk all day and staying awake was a struggle. And the minute I got home from work I was in my sweats, on my couch, laying. Just laying. All. Night. Long.

And the most annoying of all pregnancy traits...the constant urge to pee. Maybe it's TMI, but good Lord, are you kidding? I've always heard about this, but until you experience it you can't even imagine. Almost every hour on the hour at work I have to get up and go. And when I have to go, it is with an urgency that I have never experienced before. It just hits me all of the sudden and I have to find a bathroom like NOW. And the very most annoying part of it all is that I have to interrupt my precious, precious sleep to go. For about a month there I was literally getting up three to four times a night, every single night. It's been better the past couple of weeks, but last night I did get up at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and then practically ran to the bathroom when I got up at 9:30.

Probably the most annoying thing for the husband to deal with has been the intense mood swings. Some days I am just as happy as can be. I feel elated, like life is so incredibly fabulous that I'm the luckiest girl alive. Fifteen minutes later I might be crying over something I saw on TV, like an X Factor audition or an episode of Grey's Anatomy. And God forbid Arsen say something that I take offense to: I literally didn't realize how mad at another human being I could be. I get mad with an intensity that makes me think if I weren't a rational person I might just stab him with a steak knife. I'm constantly convinced that he's mad at me for something, that he's not being supportive, that he doesn't care that I'm going through this physical torture for HIS baby.

One evening I asked him what was wrong, why he was being so quiet? He had the audacity to respond with something along the lines of "Well, you've been complaining so much I haven't really had a chance to say anything."

Really.

The fury that was unleashed from deep within me was literally unlike anything I've experienced. I got up, walked to the kitchen, and immediately came back in, spewing hateful words so quickly that I couldn't even form a thought before they came out. "Are you (censored) kidding me???? Seriously?? I am growing a human being here! If I want to complain about how (censored) awful that makes me feel, I have every right to! You had one job! ONE! And now you get to sit back and relax for 10 months while I am (censored) MISERABLE! If I want to complain, you don't say a WORD. Not a WORD." And I proceeded to storm out of the room, get in the shower, and think of all the ways I wanted to physically harm him, and what I would be saying when I got out. I had a pretty intense lecture prepared. Lucky for him, he was smart enough to get in bed and fall asleep (or fake sleep) before I got out. So I just had to go to bed fuming. And when I woke up, the entire situation was quite hilarious. As it still is.


So now that I am officially in the second trimester, I'm looking forward to the next three months, which I hear will be glorious compared to the last three, and the final three. In the next few weeks I'm hoping that my belly starts to pop out a little, because I'm currently at the stage where it just looks like I've been eating more than usual. My pants are too tight, but not so bad that I need maternity pants, so I'm just really in that in between phase. I'm also hoping that the hormonal outbursts lessen somewhat, but from what I've heard I shouldn't get my hopes up. So maybe say a little prayer for Arsen's sanity if you think of it :)

Spreading the Good News

After I told Arsen about Baby A., I decided that we could just keep the info between the two of us for awhile. I knew I found out super early, and I also knew that I didn't want to "announce" things until after the first trimester. We found out on a Friday, and we were supposed to be traveling to Oklahoma the following weekend for an OSU game, so I thought I would just wait and tell my parents then. Also, my dad's birthday was that upcoming Tuesday, so I knew it would be the best birthday present I could ever give him. So it was decided. We were waiting.

Until the next morning. Arsen and I got up early and ran some errands, and by the time we made it home around 10 am I was dying to tell my mom. We had plans to go over to a friends place that night, and I knew there would be drinking, so I thought what better way to avoid an awkward situation where people were wondering why on earth I wouldn't have a drink than to invite my mom up and tell her that day? So I gave her a call and invited her to come have a "girls day" with me.

Not suspicious at all, right? Randomly call on a Saturday morning and ask her to drive 4 hours for a day of fun. She said it didn't even cross her mind until she was halfway to Dallas that I might possibly have some exciting baby news to share. But, according to her, the minute I opened the door she just knew.

Arsen was supposed to be leaving around 5 to go over to our friends place, but he really, really wanted to be there to tell her with me and see her reaction. Of course, since my mom is just like me, she was running a bit behind schedule. So it was almost 5:30 by the time she got into town and Arsen and I were both basically pacing the floor in anticipation. Since I was doing all of this on such a whim, I just pretty much re-did my presentation that I had for Arsen with a few Nana-specific items.

I saw her pull up in front of the house, so I grabbed Addie and opened the front door. She was on the phone in her car, so she sat there looking at me while she ended her call, and Addie was fighting to get out of my arms because she saw a car out front and was ohsoexcitedshecouldn'ttakeit. So the minute my mom got out of the car and Addie saw it was NANA (her very favorite person) she leaped out of my arms and took off sprinting to her. This is my moms take on the situation: When she saw me standing in the doorway I was glowing and she just knew, and the reason Addie ran to her like that is because Addie also knew, and she wanted to be the one to share the news with Nana. This is exactly why Arsen always calls my mom a hippie. Her take on things is always interesting.

Anyway, so after she came in and sat down for approximately .2 seconds, I told her I wanted to show her something we got for the bedroom. When she walked in and saw everything on the bed, she immediately clapped her hands together and starting jumping around. Arsen was hoping for tears, but I was pleased with the obvious joy :)

A couple of days later we went to have dinner at Arsen's parents place. We had discussed beforehand whether or not we should tell Arsen's dad or not. We really wanted to keep things quiet for the first several weeks, and Arsen's dad really likes to share good news. With everyone. So we were a bit concerned. I said maybe we could beg him please to just keep it quiet until we said it was OK to share? Arsen was pretty sure he would just go ahead and tell anyway. So, we had to tell his mom quietly and tell her that it was just between us for the time being. What a horrible thing to do to an expectant grandma, right?? So needless to say she was overjoyed, but she couldn't really express it because George was in the next room!

That Thursday night we headed out to Oklahoma for the weekend. I had been wondering what the best way to tell my dad would be. I wanted it to be perfect. My dad is almost 70, so he has been ready for a grandchild for several years. He often has made comments about hoping he's still around to see his grandkids...don't let him fool you though, he seems 10 years younger than he is, so he's fine. I think he just liked to guilt trip me.

So since his birthday had been that Tuesday, it was the perfect set up. I told him I had a birthday gift for him. He started opening things up, and I swear it took him forever to figure out what was going on. There was a baby blanket, pacifiers, and a frame that said "I Love Grandpa". His girlfriend Monie was there, and she said "Oh my God!". Dad was so confused and said "What?". She said something along the lines of "How on earth have you not figured this out? She's pregnant!!!". It was absolutely hilarious. He looked at me and said "Are you really?", and when I said yes he sat back in his chair real fast and was very, very quiet for several mintues. I hate to put this out for everyone to read, but it was quite obvious that he was holding back tears. Arsen had been waiting for someone to cry, so I think he was pretty pleased with that reaction.

After we had our first ultrasound and heard the heartbeat and everything we were comfortable with the news getting out. So the minute we left the doctor's office Arsen gave his dad a call. They were speaking in Russian, so I'm not sure exactly what was said, but it was a quick convo. Arsen said it was something along the lines of "You're going to be a grandpa!" and his dad said something like "Oh! Good, great news!", and then yada, yada for a few seconds and goodbye. I asked if Arsen thought he was getting off the phone to call all of his friends and tell them, and he said most likely.

Once all of the grandparents knew, and a few close friends, and obviously Arsen's siblings, I pretty much shut down telling anyone else until close to the end of the first trimester. Arsen was absolutely dying to tell everyone he knew, so it was a bit of a challenge for him, but he handled it well. I'm so glad we waited. I think it was special to have it just between us and a few loved ones for awhile. And it also made it more exciting when we finally got to tell.

But I must say, what a relief it is to be able to talk about it now! Man, hiding it was so tough. All I have is baby on the brain...so coming up with anything to talk about that doesn't involve that in some way was a challenge.

Alright, I've still got that whole constantly exhausted thing going on, so I'm off to bed! Goodnight friends.

Telling the Daddy-To-Be

Arsen and I decided over the summer that we were ready to start a family. It was much sooner than we had originally planned, but for some reason it just felt right. And it must have been, because I was pregnant almost immediately. And we were absolutely shocked.

One Friday in August I was at home while Arsen was at work. We had plans to go out both Friday and Saturday and I knew I would be having a few drinks. On a bit of a whim I decided to take a pregnancy test, just to be safe. I didn't think much about it because I had only been off of birth control for a very short time and I had heard it normally takes several months for all of it to leave your system and whatnot. So I took the test, did a few things, and went to get in the shower. At that moment I remembered that I had taken the test, so I went to check the results. And two bright pink lines were staring back at me.

My reactions are always strange when something good happens...I started cracking up laughing. I also laughed when Arsen proposed, so I guess it's kinda my thing. I'm also quite happy that the baby didn't have ears yet because a few not so polite words flew out of my mouth....I was just SO incredibly shocked that I couldn't believe it. I was overjoyed and terrified all at once. And then I realized that I had just a couple of hours to get things ready to break the news to Arsen. I've always wanted to let him know in some fun and creative way, but I hadn't even started planning for it because I just assumed I would have several months.

I hopped in the shower, and was out faster than I've ever been in my life. I actually forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair I was rushing so fast, so I had a really awful hair day for the rest of the day. Somehow I still didn't believe the test, so I went to buy another one. I ran to CVS, came home to take the test and finish getting ready. Surprise, surprise, that test was positive too. So I ran out to Buy Buy Baby to find something to surprise Arsen with. At this point I had less than two hours to get everything ready, so I was running around like crazy. I couldn't find anything there, so I headed over to Babies R Us. I finally found a few things there, so I rushed home to get things set up.

I don't think I've ever been so fidgety and jumpy as I was waiting for him to get home. When he finally opened the back door, I was sitting as casually as I could on the couch. Of course Addie was freaking out and jumping all over him like she hadn't seen him in days, so I tried to act like all was normal. After maybe 10 seconds I couldn't handle it anymore and I said "There's a surprise for you on the bed". Being the typical man that he is he responded with "Is it something dirty?". HA. If he only knew.

He walked in the room to this:

Yes, by the time he got home I had taken three test. And I took two more over the next two days. Five tests still didn't have me totally convinced...until two weeks later when we had our first doctors appointment and heard the tiny heartbeat!

Needless to say he was completely shocked, just as I was. He kept saying "Wait, are you for real? Is this for real?". We just couldn't believe it had happened so fast!

In the almost two months since that day it's all been pretty surreal. We had our second appointment last Thursday and heard the heartbeat yet again...somehow it just doesn't seem real yet! Maybe it's because I haven't started showing yet, but I'm constantly convinced that the entire thing has been in my imagination. If it wasn't for the constant nausea and exhaustion I wouldn't believe it!

The fun continued over the next couple of weeks when we got to break the news to our parents. I was incredibly protective of the news, and we didn't tell anyone but our family and very best friends until this past weekend. But each time we told someone it seemed just a little more real.

Any of you mommies out there have the same reaction? I've read several things that say that until your belly starts to pop it's hard to believe there's really something in there...Arsen thinks I'm crazy, but I'm naturally a super paranoid person, so I suppose this is to be expected. But even though I get a little crazy every once in awhile I'm still completely overjoyed! I never thought I'd be excited about getting big and pregnant, but I'm actually looking forward to it...oh, how things are changing around here!

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage.....

OK, I have been holding this news back for far too long....

Arsen and I are expecting!!!

I wanted to wait until we made it through the first trimester before announcing, and we are almost there. Arsen finally couldn't take it anymore and we announced it to everyone last Saturday. I'm in my 12th week as of tomorrow, and let me tell you....this pregnancy thing ain't easy! But I hear it will be worth it when all is said and done :)

This should hopefully explain a bit of my absence around here lately. Not only have I been completely exhausted and unmotivated to do anything other than lay on my couch in sweatpants, but it's SO hard to blog about anything that isn't baby related. It's consuming my life!

So now I can breathe a big sigh of relief that the news is out. I'll hopefully be gaining my energy back before too long, and now that I can share everything with you all I'll be able to blog whenever the mood strikes about whatever I want. So get ready for lots of baby related posts. Like I said, it's pretty much consuming me these days.

I'll be back in the next couple of days to share how we found out and how we broke the happy news to our families...who are absolutely overjoyed. Have a great Tuesday friends!

28

Well, today is the big day. My 28th birthday....man, that sounds so much older than 27 for some reason. Just two tiny years away from 30. How on earth did that happen?

I absolutely love my birthday. I've always said it's my favorite holiday (which I realize is ridiculous). But it's just not quite the same anymore. When I was younger it was such a huge deal....I would always have lunch and dinner with friends or family, someone would make me a cake, I'd get a million presents, and I felt showered with attention. In college, if I had class that day I would typically skip it, just because it was my birthday. I could do whatever I wanted.

Now, things have changed. I can't really take off work just to celebrate my birthday. And no one at my job really cares (even though I did have a nice lunch with a few of them yesterday)....I can't tell you how many emails I had this morning when I logged on talking about urgent things that needed to happen right away. Don't they know it's my birthday? Geez.

I won't be having a big party, I won't be showered with gifts and attention like I was in my younger years. People just don't get as excited about celebrating with a grown woman as they do with a child, or a 16 year old....or a 21 year old. Once you pass those marks you're old news.

But even though it's not the big deal that it used to be, I almost like things better this way. My sweet little hubby woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me happy birthday. He also sent me gorgeous flowers at work yesterday, which was a big surprise a day early. My best friends all text or called first thing this morning from their own jobs. My parents both text me (even my mom, who was sleeping upstairs in this very house) to wish me a happy birthday. And man, the Facebook messages that you get on a birthday! It's crazy how much a tiny "Happy Birthday" from people from various stages of my life can brighten my day.

 Birthday Flowers From the Sweetest Hubby

Tonight, my mom will be fixing me my favorite meal. A real "white person" meal as Arsen calls them. It's called mushroom steak, and for all I know it's something she made up. We eat it with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans, and it is the most delicious thing I have had. Two nights ago she made me meatloaf and mashed potatoes...man, I have missed home cooked meals these past several years! She was kind enough to come down and stay with me while Arsen was traveling for work this week, and she decided to stay through my birthday. What a good mother I have :)

Other than my birthday dinner, I'm not sure what else is on the agenda for my birthday weekend. I wanted to plan something with all of my friends, but Arsen acted like he didn't want me to do that. So I don't know if he's got something planned that I just don't know about, or if he wasn't wanting to do anything big. He's being very evasive about things....sneaky. One of my best friends, Alyssa, is coming down  from Oklahoma to visit tonight, so I'm excited about that little reunion. And hopefully I'll get a present of some sort....Arsen already let me go on a little shopping spree that was technically my birthday gift, but a girl can hope, right?

Before I go, I wanted to say THANK YOU so much to all of you who left sweet comments about the loss of my Granddaddy. You have no idea what it meant to me to read those kind words. Even though I was a bit too emotionally drained to respond to you all, it really did warm my heart to know that you all were thinking of me. Isn't this blogging world crazy? People who I never would have been connected to without this place were there to comfort me when I needed it. Pretty incredible.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'll be back soon, and hopefully on a more regular basis. Happy Friday!

I'll Be Back Soon...

Things have been insanely crazy around here lately, and to be honest I haven't been giving blogging a second thought. Occasionally the thought that I need to get on here and do a post creeps in and I start to feel guilty, but I'm going through some pretty heavy stuff in my "real" life right now. Sometimes you just need to live life and not worry about the little things, so that's what I've been doing.

Yesterday morning my Granddaddy, my mom's dad, passed away. It was something we knew was probably coming soon, and have been aware of that fact for a few years now. So even though I was "prepared", it still is absolutely heart-wrenching to lose someone who means the world to you and has been there since day one.

On Thursday morning my mom called me crying and let me know that Granddaddy was being sent home and that the doctors had said he probably had just a day or two. She was in Arizona on vacation, and was so worried she wouldn't make it back in time to say goodbye. I left work as quickly as I could, ran home, booked her a flight for just a few hours later, and packed up. I left for Oklahoma as soon as Arsen got home from work, and my dad and I picked her up at the airport around 10 PM. She and I went to see Granddaddy then, and we got there around midnight. If I've ever been thankful for anything, it's that I pushed her to fly home and that we went to see him as soon as we could. He wasn't completely coherent, and he was saying some repetitive things, like "Take me home", that let me know that he wasn't sure where he was. But he was able to acknowledge what I was saying to him and he knew I was there. By the next day, he was in and out of consciousness, so I will always be so thankful that I had those last few moments with him able to respond to me.

Sunday afternoon Arsen and I had to head back to Texas, and telling my sweet Granddaddy goodbye might have been one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. His breathing was very labored and irregular, and for the most part his eyes were shut. I got the chance to sit with him for a few minutes before I left and tell him all of the things I wanted him to know, how much I loved him and how wonderful of a grandfather he was. I hope that he was able to hear me.

Needless to say, I may not be checking in much for the next few days. I'm leaving for Oklahoma in the morning to go be with my family, and the funeral will be Friday. When things like this happen in life, it just reminds you to take a step back and appreciate what you have. Hug your husband a little tighter, let the little things go...call your parents and tell them you love them and how much you appreciate them. Life is short....embrace your blessings while you can.

My Sweet Grandmother and Granddaddy